Many of us have been there. We might be in a work meeting, and someone starts to overshare. Once they’re on a roll, they can’t stop—or maybe we’ve been that person. Or, we might be interviewing for a job, and the temptation to run one’s mouth is too strong.
A pattern of overtalking and dominating the conversation can create professional obstacles and stand in the way of promotion in one’s career. Someone who overtalks and outtalks colleagues in meetings can quickly become irritating, not to mention a drain on team productivity. If the setting is a job interview, talking too much can cost you that coveted job offer.
Thankfully, talking too much is a behavior that can be unlearned. Even the most talkative among us can reign in an over-active tongue by employing some basic behavioral tools and strategies. Just ask expert Dr. Beau A. Nelson, DBH, LCSW, at the national behavioral health provider FHE Health. He shared some insights and advice that can be applied to any social situation, not just professional settings.
Why People Talk Too Much
When people talk too much in professional and other settings, it is usually because they are, in Dr. Nelson’s words: “nervous, anxious, or excited; uncomfortable with silences; so wanting to ‘do a good job’ or ‘make a good impression’ that they are over-focused on trying to get information out and not paying attention to social cues or time; or desperate to be approved of, get the job and feel under pressure to perform.”
An Interviewing Approach to Reduce Excess Talking
If any of these reasons for excess talking resonate, consider taking a different approach to the interview process: “It is better to think that you are interviewing a prospective employer,” Dr. Nelson said. “You are there to share information, and if this is not a good fit, it is ok to wait for something better.” Dr. Nelson added that this approach “works with a lot of things in life— you do not have one shot at happiness with jobs, relationships, opportunities, etc.”
Behavioral Tools and Strategies for Managing a Compulsion to Talk
Those who often feel compelled to fill conversational pauses with more chatter may benefit from the following behavioral tools and strategies:
- Mindfulness practices – There are many online resources in this arena, Dr. Nelson said. “It can also be helpful to practice intentional talking and listening with others on a day-to-day basis,” he continued. “Work to adopt a slower and more measured speaking style in general conversations, practicing being present in the moment.” These mindfulness exercises may provide a start.
- Be genuine – “Being genuine is a lot better than ums, likes, and overtaking (common pitfalls.”
- Record yourself talking – “It will make you stop and reflect on your style.”
- Treat your words like gold, not pennies. This will mean taking some breaths and slowing down.
With more intention and practice, it is possible to learn to talk less and listen more. The professional payoffs could be great.
